I'm not much on family; my mother, who died more than a decade ago, divorced my father when I was five. During my childhood, we lived in different cities and different states, far away from any extended relatives. This led to an inability on my part to identify with or miss any relatives outside of my immediate family. I ended up creating family structures based primarily on close friendships with only rare exceptions.
Interestingly, the downturn of the extended family scenario has become more common since the end of World War II. During the war a large portion of the young population went away, not only to areas outside of their immediate comfort zones, but to the other side of the globe. Their new experiences (some good, some bad, some horrific), adaptability and, of course, independence created an entire new outlook for them. On the home front, women redefined themselves through non-traditional employment, freedom and also independence.
It is this independence, among other things, that helped lead to a different family structure. Where before the war extended families were primary sources in providing assistance in getting jobs, teaching life skills, reinforcing cultural traditions and even arranging social interactions (up to and including marriages). The war challenged most traditional ties and sources of knowledge as young folks created an entirely new and unconnected set of experiences from their extended families.
Some family historians have argued that the migration of individuals and and growth of small families had more to do with new ideas that often conflicted with the traditions of either their family, social circles or even religion. These conflicts melded with a relative prosperity growth and a rising car culture which encouraged mobility on a new scale.
This migration obviously differed from others in the 20th century (Great Depression, Dust Bowl) mostly from a viewpoint of desirability. It's one thing to leave because you are forced otherwise to boil shoe leather to eat or breathe sand night and day, and obviously quite another to have viable options and opportunities. Of course, this didn't hold true for all family structures, but enough so that the roles of immediate family became predominant.
Okay, enough of the pseudo-cultural history theory, the reason that I was thinking about this was because my girlfriend had her annual family reunion this weekend and came back with a few "revelations":
- Her extended family consists mostly of poor white trash
- The "food" was created from recipes (using the word generously) found on wonder bread wrappers
- She discovered elderly relatives that completely charmed her with their stories
Her first two discoveries were dubious at best, mostly because I've known this for many, many years. Any time she can tell dozens of stories that consist of unemployed, trailer home living, multi-child bearing, tooth missing relatives, it's not exactly rocket surgery to make the obvious extrapolation. And let's face it, the second item is really just an indication of the first one.
However, it was her last bit that surprised me a little. She's always liked a good conversation, but has rarely made any references to any special relationships or interactions beyond her immediate family. This year, she met a woman (72 years young) that was a sibling of one of her closer relatives and the interaction between the two captured her attention. She ended up spending most of the day with this relative. listening to her stories and asking her questions.
It was nice to hear that she had a good time, but it was equally good that she found a new connection in her family. The only drawback of the day was her regret that she only now found this person and overlooked her all these years. Oddly enough, she said she was looking forward to seeing her next year. When I proposed not waiting for a year to go by, but instead just go see her, call her or whatever, she admitted that it wasn't an idea she considered.
Which probably goes to show how ingrained people can be about ordering or structuring their relationships; meaning people make associations and mostly keep them in those buckets (friend, work, roommate, close relative, relative, etc...). As a related side note, I didn't go to her family reunion with her, I don't hang out with her family very much, but that's a completely different story.
